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Multi Faceted Or Multiple Fake?

This post was inspired by a lady who I’ve known for about a year now; she’s always struck me as a particularly confident female who absolutely oozes professionalism so you can imagine how surprised I was when she confided over coffee recently that she feels she has to put on an act sometimes …

be flexible with your behaviour and attitude to get the best outcomes

And that got me thinking – well, it stimulated a memory of a conversation I’d had with a now ex-partner a couple of years ago. He said to me – and I quote verbatim as it’s etched very clearly in my mind – “Faz, you’ll never be any good to anyone, there are so many facets of your personality. Which is the real you?” I was quite hurt initially, however when the sting wore off, I thought about his comment very carefully. Yes, I do have many facets – many elements of my persona. A diamond also has many facets and I’ve never heard anyone complaining about that!

You see, in my model of the world, people are ‘chameleonic‘. I’m not sure that you can find that word in the Oxford Dictionary, though it describes very well what I’m talking about. We all have the ability to behave differently according to our situation and our circumstances at the time – and that’s a great thing as it means we’ve learnt the art of flexibility.

I can be suited and high heeled and quite happily perform in a business meeting with the CEO of a Blue Chip by day or address an audience of 500 people; by night or weekend, I’m totally at home whether in leather and New Rock boots moshing at a heavy rock gig drinking Newcastle Brown Ale or sitting in the serenity of a stone circle watching the sun rise. My mum and my family see one element of my personality, my husband another. My friends view me in a totally different light, I’m sure, to my business acquaintances. Does it mean that any elements of me aren’t real, or are false or fake? No; it means that they’re all different elements of what makes up my intrinsic core – they’re also very real elements.

So back to my conversation which started this train of thought; the lady with whom I was chatting feels “false” as she has to put on an act, pretend to be something that she doesn’t feel she is when addressing people in a professional capacity. However, if you’re capable of behaving in a way that perhaps isn’t the “norm” for you, or is outside of your comfort zone yet actually serves you at the same time, does that not actually mean that you’re incredibly flexible as opposed to being false? Surely to be able to assume a behaviour must mean that it’s an element of you at some level, right? How great and how empowering to be able to pull so much adaptability out of the bag … or out of your boots… or wherever you might keep it!

Lastly – a quick word about an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) term: the “As-If” frame. If you have a perceived boundary – let’s say there’s something that you’ve convinced yourself you can’t do – what would happen if you thought about behaving as if you could? What sort of things would you think, feel or perhaps see if you could do it? It’s a fantastic way to begin to grow some inner confidence and set a positive mindset rolling – the phrase ”Fake it ’til you make it” springs to mind and you know what? That’s ok! If it gets you to a place or situation that you want to be, so that the belief and behaviour becomes a natural element of your behaviour then that’s all good in my book! The important thing to remember is that as a human being, you can be anyone and do anything that you choose to do. The only caveat around that from where I’m standing is that the intention needs to be positive.

So, if there are any areas of your world in which you need to reinforce positive and confident behaviour, why not decide to take some action now and give me shout on +44 (0) 7932 060360.

Be outstanding …

FAZ COLBHIE